Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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