If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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