i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this just has baby written all over it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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