I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
