You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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