But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
