Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
