Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
