the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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