i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
