big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize