i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
