I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
