go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize