and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
