So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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