Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
