He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Shame - the story of my life.
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