I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
