so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
