I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
