I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
