I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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