Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Welp...herpes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
