i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Life is so much better after having sex.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
