I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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