I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
