Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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