Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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