You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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