nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
