oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
