I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
