hotel room ftw
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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