I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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