swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
