He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
