btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You are the jesus of drinking
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
