Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
