WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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