Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
