where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
