So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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