why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
