another moral hangover. fuck.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
