so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
