so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
