I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
