I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
