just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
