Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
