final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
