i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
