woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
