Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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