But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
