Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
