Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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