Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this will be a night to untag.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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