sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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